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Will I Lose My Friends?

When you are going through a divorce, you fear not only that you will lose time with your children or not keep some of your property, but your friends too.  It's a common fear and it's valid.  So what can you do about it?


People Don't Like Picking Sides So They Don't Choose Either Side


If you and your ex had many "joint" friends, those friends are going to feel  torn and confused.  They don't want to pick sides so inevitably they dump both of you.  It's easier for them and they can save face by not seeing either of you any more.   Can they hang out with your ex without you feeling pissed off?  Can they still grab a beer over at your place without your ex feeling betrayed?  Rather than dealing with the discomfort your friends choose not to deal.  Here's the thing.  There's no "right" or "wrong" side in a divorce.  It is the end of a marriage between two people.  Only those two people know what it's like to be in the relationship.  Your joint friends loved both of you, which means that they loved you as a couple and as an individual.  Feel free to remind them of this.


Your Friends Fear Ending Up Like You


Your friends see your changed marital status as a challenge.  "Her marriage seemed so great and yet it fell apart.  What does that say for mine?  Geesh I better stay away, I don't want to end up divorced like she did."  Like you have a disease!  People fear what they do not understand.  These friends do not really know what it was like to exist day in and day out in your relationship; they only know what you have told them and what they have seen.   Your value as a person is not determined by your marital status.  Forgive them for they do not understand.  Remind them that you are still you, with the same likes, dislikes, job, activities, etc.


Your Friends Remind You Of Your Previous Life


Your friends can be a reminder of what you had in your pre-divorce life.  This can be good, like when you can keep doing the things that enrich you, like exercise or travel or reading, and not feel bad about taking time for yourself.  Good friends can remind you that you were and are a valuable individual; you don't have to be part of a couple to matter.  It can be bad when the reminders of previous life hurt you deeply and immobilize you, forcing you to stay away from your friends because you can't bear the painful memories.  It's always a good idea to seek counseling or therapy to help you through this process.


The Unknown Can Be Exciting


Going through a divorce is painful and there are going to be many changes.  Your true friends will still be there, supporting you, not taking sides, and reminding you of good times.  They will be there when you make new memories.  You may end up making new friends; it's part of life.

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Law Offices of Catherine Cardozo, LLC
1147 Easton Rd.
Abington, PA 19001

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